Saturday, January 19, 2013

Overlord Legacy - Chapter Fifty-Five - Things You Don't Expect To See Come Out Of Your Butt

Gator: "Are you feeling any better, Severin, or are you just faking it so I don't make you go to the hospital?"
Severin: "I don't feel any worse, but I don't think anything's changed. I'll go this afternoon. I just want to get some guitar practice out of the way. I have a performance this upcoming weekend and, if I'm up for it, I need to be on top of things."

Gator sighs, but has to take his son at his word that everything's okay. After clicking around the internet for a few more minutes, Gator decides to get up and make some pancakes. He doesn't feel like waffles this morning.
Requiem: "I drink blood! Yummy!"
Gator: "You put red food coloring in her formula, didn't you."
Severin: "Nonsense."
Gator: "By the way,'re the talk of all the gossip sites online."
Severin: "Couldn't hide my stomach entirely, I guess."
Gator: "You're on the cover of the local tabloid too. Something like, 'Whose Bodies Are Hot - And Whose Are Not!' They, um...they made note of your weight gain."
Severin: "I suppose I had one of those little black rectangles covering my face with the caption, 'You'll NEVER GUESS who became a tubby tubby fat fat!''
Gator: "Yeah, something like that."
Darth Furball: "Ooh. That old wolf dropped me some pancake batter. He is not so bad after all. If he had aimed just a little bit off, it would have landed on the little vampire's head. And I would have laughed so much, if a cat could laugh."

Gator finishes with the pancakes and sits down to eat with his son. He's glad for this opportunity, actually. The Overlords sometimes have family outings, but Gator doesn't often just get to sit back and relax alone with Severin. He'll surely have to run after Banshee and Requiem for the rest of the day, but at least he can have a fairly quiet morning.
Gator: "You've really matured a lot as you've grown, Sev."
Severin: "That's a scary thought."
Gator: "Admittedly when Katt was first born, I was a bit concerned with how you'd handle the new responsibilities. Now you have three daughters and I know you're doing your best for them. I'm proud of you."
Severin: "Yesterday Requiem got her fangs stuck in a rocking chair and Banshee fell in a fountain. I don't think I'm the perfect model for fatherhood."
Gator: "You're doing all you can, Severin. That's all anyone can ask of you. Sometimes I think you strive to do even more than what is possible."
Severin: "If anything's impossible, I'm going to test the barriers just in case it's not."
Gator: "...You're doing a good job for this legacy. Your name will certainly be remembered."
Severin: "Thanks, dad. You've taught me a lot."

Severin smiles at his father, secretly relishing in the words of praise. He's getting so close to reaching his goal of becoming the celebrity of all celebrities in his town, winning the admiration of the citizens of Moonlight Falls, capturing hearts and minds and emotions even deeper than his mother Amaranth was able to. He's worked hard to get here. And with all that work, he's also had to be the father of three daughters, which seems much harder than his legacy work. He honestly doesn't know how he'd ever be able to make it without his father around.

After breakfast is finished, Severin heads upstairs to give the girls their baths before he plans to leave for the hospital. Gator returns to the computer to look up the weather...and secretly look up Severin's symptoms to see if he can find what the cause of his illness might be before he even gets to the hospital. But as soon as Gator turns the computer on, it starts to buzz, then spark, and finally fry.
Gator: "...Great. I've never repaired anything electrical before. But I know Severin would flip if I called an repairman."
Gator: "Meh. If I get electrocuted, I'm an old man anyway."

Severin finishes up washing Banshee, who hasn't failed to shriek her lungs out and splash water all over the place during the delightful ordeal. Drenched, Severin hopes Requiem is a little calmer during her bath time.
Requiem: "I hate bath."
Severin: "It's okay. It's just water."
Requiem: "Water kill vampire."
Severin: "I've never heard of water killing vampires."
Requiem: "Holy water?"
Severin: "This is overlord water, not holy water."
Requiem: "I'm melllltinnnnnng!"
Severin: "Oh, you're talking about that. That happened to the Wicked Witch of the West in some fruity land called Oz. Vampires in Moonlight Falls don't melt in water."
Requiem: "What if dumb sissy poopoo in water?"
Severin: "Your sister, whose name is 'Banshee,' not 'dumb sissy,' did not poop in the water. I checked it before I put you in."
Requiem: "She fart in water?"
Severin: "Farts don't contaminate water."

Severin calmly answers all of Requiem's concerns as he scrubs her up and finishes her bath. Much to Requiem's delight, he finally begins to lift her out of the tub. He freezes. A sudden pain, an intense spasm shoots through his stomach. He feels a tight cramp come on, squeezing, painful.
Quickly and carefully, Severin lifts Requiem out of the tub, dries her off, tries to ignore the now-stabbing and burning pain, and sets her on the floor. He takes a couple of steps back. The pain begins to hit like a freight train.
Severin: "Oh, Deity, what is going on?..."
Requiem: "Daddy?"
Severin: "Mm...I'm alright, Req--....gah. I'm alright. Just...just a little pain."
Requiem: "Pain?"

Severin isn't able to answer her second inquiry. The pain soon fills his whole body, clenching, burning, worse and worse as the minutes go by. Severin tries to stay silent, but he can't hold back moans of agony at some of the worse pains. Requiem stares at her father, horror-stricken. What is going on with daddy? Why is he in pain? Why is he holding his stomach?
Severin: "''s alright, Requiem. I'm...going to the hospital in a...little bit..."

Requiem's terrified screams quickly alert Banshee from the other room. Curiously she crawls out to observe why grandpa needs to help daddy. She immediately sees her father's pained expressions, watches as he grabs onto the changing table to keep himself upright, and she begins to scream as well.
Darth Furball: "Master? Master, what is going on? Oh no..."
Banshee: "GAMPA!!!"
Darth Furball: "I must protect him. I cannot do much else, but I can and must protect him. No hero shall see him like this."
Severin: ", I need you..."

Gator immediately rushes as fast as his old body will move up the stairs, his heart pounding in his chest. Why couldn't Severin have gone to the hospital yesterday? Is it too late now?
 Gator rounds the corner, finding Banshee and Requiem sobbing and wailing at the sight of their obviously-agonized father. Darth Furball keeps himself moving, keeps himself alert to any possible danger that could come in this frightening moment. Gator hurries to Severin, trying to keep calm as he assesses the situation.
Gator: "Can you move? Can you make it to the hospital?"
Severin: "I...I really don't know, dad..."
Gator: "What's the pain like? What are you feeling?"
Severin: "Tight cramps...burning...stabbing...all over, but especially my stomach..."
Gator: "I'm calling an ambulance. We need to get you to a hospital now."
Severin: "Dad, no...don't call anyone to the house..."
Gator: "Severin! Now is not the time for this! You need help now!"
Severin: "Oh deity...oh deity oh deity oh deity..."
Gator: "What? What's happening now?"
Severin: "My butt, dad! It''s...there's something coming..."
Gator: "Something's coming out your butt?!"
Severin: "Dad, please, just help me downstairs. I need to use the bathroom."
Gator: "The bathroom?!? We're going to the hospital!"
Severin: "Dad, what if that potion...what if it's been building up a thirty-pound turd the whole time? Maybe...maybe I just need to poop it out and then it'll all be over..."
Gator: "Do you really think you can push out thirty pounds of turd into the toilet?!"
Severin: "Please, dad...just help me downstairs."

Wanting to call the ambulance right then and there, but wanting to oblige his son, Gator finally decides to assist Severin slowly down the stairs. The object uncomfortably lodged in Severin's canal keeps pushing further and further. Severin finally stumbles into the bathroom, telling his father that he will call the ambulance while he's in there, grabbing his father's phone out of his hand and locking the bathroom door so Gator can't get it back.

As much pain as he's in, Severin doesn't want to go to the hospital. Maybe it is just a giant turd and it'll all be finished soon. And even if...even if the effects he's feeling now turn out to be fatal, the last thing he wants to do is die in a hospital. He'd much rather go down in his own castle. Perhaps if he's lucky, he can give some quick advice and instructions to Katt about what she needs to take over the legacy.
Any sort of sitting is unbelievably uncomfortable, causing Severin to finally give up on sitting on the toilet. He resigns himself to simply squatting and pushing over the bathroom floor. No matter how much turd comes out, it can always be cleaned up later.
The turd keeps coming and coming. Severin strains and pushes, wondering why even a little bit hasn't come out yet. Pain shoots through his body. His legs tremble. He has little strength left to stay on them. He finally decides to wander into his bedroom and lie down. He can curl up and die in at least a tiny bit of comfort.

He barely gets to the bed when he realizes the turd is about to come out. Squatting, he prepares to push.

Then the sparkles start zooming.
Severin: "Aggh. What in...? Are these birthday sparkles? Is this turd making me age?!?"

Hoping the sparkles don't turn him into an old man, Severin submits to pulling his pants down, squatting, and finally pushing whatever's in his butt out. As it begins to come out, Severin bravely peers down to see the horrid substance that's about to hit the floor.

His heart shoots into his throat. As his body automatically gives one last push to get the rest of it out, Severin quickly grabs the substance before it drops to the ground. The pain begins to cease. The object in his rectum is gone. Quite sure he's gone insane, Severin brings the butt-object up to his face. Surely he must be seeing things.
Severin: "Are this, this colorful poop in the shape of a baby?"
Baby: "Dada?"
Severin: "Why is this poop making noise?"
Baby: "Dada!"

Completely stunned, Severin stares at what's just emerged from his tush. It's a real, living, breathing baby girl.  But...but men can't birth babies. Science has proved it impossible for men to conceive and have babies. Unless magic were involved...

And then Severin remembers the potion he'd dropped on himself. "Fertilitee," it had said.

The bloating, the heartburn, the backaches, the excruciating pain he'd just been through...all of that was because the potion made him pregnant. He just produced a baby girl out of his own rear end.

Swallowing, Severin looks around the room. His father isn't downstairs, from what he can hear. He hears the sniffling and crying from his toddler daughters upstairs beginning to dwindle. He suspects his dad's probably up there trying to comfort them.
Severin: "Uh...DAD?"
Gator: "SON? ARE YOU..."

Gator gives no response. Severin decides to head on upstairs and let his dad see for himself what's just happened. Severin glances down at his stomach. It's back to normal size. Has some snot on it though - the baby's just sneezed all over him.

Slowly Severin enters the playroom, where he finds his toddler daughters and his father. Gator immediately turns to him concernedly...then freezes when he notices what's in Severin's arms.
Severin: "Hey, dad. Um...yeah, so...that whole thing with me getting fat and being achy and then having all that pain and eventually having to push out a giant turd? Well, it wasn't a turd, because apparently the potion I dropped had magical powers that made me pregnant and, well, I...just pushed a baby daughter out of my butt hole. Strange, eh? Wasn't expecting it myself."
Gator: "..........What?"
Severin: "I just gave birth to a baby. Through my butt. The potion made me pregnant."
Gator: "....Son, I think I want to cry right now."
Severin: "I feel the same way."
Gator: "So, uh...we have another little girl in the house, I take it."
Severin: "This would be the fourth."
Gator: "Well...I'm glad you're okay now. This is a bit...unexpected, but...we'll figure it out. Have you come up with a name for your, erm...specially delivered baby?"
Severin: "You don't suppose she's going to be royally screwed up for life because of that, do you?"
Gator: "I have never observed a child that was born of a man's rear end, so I honestly can't tell you, Sev."
Severin: "Well, anyway...I can still name her something that invokes fear and terror. I like Ransom."
Gator: "Hmm...has a nice ring to it."
Severin: "Of course it does. The name involves hostages, tension, and money, all of which are wonderful things."

Noticing Ransom's sleepy eyes starting to blink shut, Severin decides to gently place her in the swing. He looks into the eyes of his tiny daughter, who's just entered the world in the strangest of ways. He softly strokes her cheek.
Severin: "'re one of my own now, and you'll be treated just like the little Overlord princess you are.  You're pretty adorable, you know. Much more attractive than what usually comes out of my tush."
Ransom gives her father a familiar smile, then closes her eyes and begins to sleep. Severin grins. He knows the smile. It's a fiendishly delighted smile. His little darling is evil.

As Ransom sleeps, Severin heads downstairs and decides to check the internet to see his picture on the tabloid cover. He's curious as to what the reaction of the paparazzi will be when they see his regular stomach. And when they see his new baby. He hopes they don't connect any dots.
Severin: "What the crap! All the pics in this tabloid are photoshopped. My belly wasn't that big."
Gator: "I thought they looked a little weird."
Severin: "'Breaking News! Severin Overlord Is An Illegitimate Father!' They just now figured that out?"
Gator: "Did you see the article on Darth Furball?"
Darth Furball: "There is an article on me?"
Severin: "Mm. 'Severin Overlord's Ruthless Cat Maims Innocent Bystander'. Yeah, that innocent bystander with a camera who happened to be trespassing on my property."
Darth Furball: "I hope he enjoys life as a eunuch."

After looking at enough juicy gossip about himself, Severin decides to pick up his guitar and continue practicing. At least his belly's not going to get in the way now. He strums through a couple of songs when Katt arrives home from school.
Katt: "Hmm...there's something different about you."
Severin: "Shouldn't take you too long to guess."
Katt: "Oh! Your weight is back to normal!"
Severin: "Sure is."
Katt: "Then you went to the hospital. What did they do there? How did they get your weight down? What was the problem?"
Severin: "Nope, no hospital visit. I lost it all this afternoon."
Katt: "By yourself? How?"
Severin: "I birthed a baby through my butt."
Katt: "...Seriously, dad. How did you lose the weight?"
Severin: "The potion I dropped on me that one day had the magical components to impregnate me. I popped out a baby this afternoon. Her name's Ransom. She's real cute."
Darth Furball: "Right out of his butt."

Gator heads downstairs with Requiem and Banshee in arms. Katt takes Banshee from him, then they stand and watch Severin's guitar playing. Even the toddlers are mesmerized.
Katt: " dad serious know, the baby?"
Gator: "Believe it or not, he is."
Banshee: "Daddy in pain today. Poopoo baby."
Katt: "Well...that's pretty interesting."
Severin: "It will never happen again."
Requiem: "No poopoo 'nother baby?"
Severin: "Men pooping babies isn't really normal, Requiem."

Curious to see her new baby sister, Katt heads up the stairs, Gator following her to potty-train and feed the toddlers. Her dad was right - Ransom is pretty cute. Katt still doesn't know if she quite believes the whole story, but what other explanation could there be?
Katt: "Well, we're certainly going to have a full house for a while."
Gator: "That we are."
Katt: "Do you think we're going to have enough room for everything? I mean, the castle's pretty disorganized as it is, and I don't know if there's enough room in the nursery for another crib and everything."
Gator: "Your father and I talked about that earlier. He's decided to revamp the castle, make some changes."
Katt: "That involves hiring a construction crew, architects, and interior designers. Is he willing to do that?"
Gator: "It appears so. He'll keep all documents and particularly special items either on his person or kept in eyesight while the construction is going on. We might actually have some breathing room in this castle now."
Katt: "Knowing dad, it's going to be good."

Author's notes: Don't forget to check out the redone castle! It was getting so small and so cluttered and so awful-looking that I finally decided to remake it. The floor plan and the structure basically stays the same, but there are several different elements, so be sure to check it out.

Enter Ransom! And yes, she is evil. She's also a werewolf/witch hybrid. You'll get to see more of her as a toddler later on.

Severin has reached his baby total, and they're all little girls. He's been through his excruciating buttbaby labor and now he doesn't have to endure that torture any longer. Poor guy.

Leave the comments below! Love hearing from you!


  1. Hurray for the butt-baby! I am amused that all four babies turned out to be girls. Severin's going to have his hands full. What's he going to do when his daughters start dating? I can't even imagine. I love the fact that Requiem wanted to know if her dad was having another baby that way though. XD

    And I love the new castle. It's very nice. I'm terrible at building so I'm duly impressed by it.

  2. Three little girls all close in age? That's going to be a handful when they get to be teenagers! Good thing Katt is able to help with them now though.

    I'm curious to see how the hybrids work out. You could potentially have a very unconventional werewolf pack on your hands.

  3. *maniacal laughter*

    I think my boyfriend thinks I am quite insane after how I have been chuckling at that chapter! Poor Requiem and Banshee are going to have such skewed beliefs about where babies come from!

  4. Oh my goodness. Wow. That was... some experience. Lol. Poor Severin. Poor Katt. Poor everybody. I hope Ransom really isn't scarred for life. Or the toddlers either.

    Nice castle! Very dark and evil looking. =)

  5. Oh... I just hope Requiem and Banshee don't remember how Ranson entered the family by the time she is old enough to understand. I can only imagine what those two together could put her through! Lol! Poor Severin! At least you've finally got your four!

  6. I loled way too hard at 3 am while my housemates are trying to sleep. Hilarious chapter, poorly timed.

  7. Hehehehe, that was a fantastic chapter, I especially love Requiem's reaction to baby Ransom :)

  8. I'm crying. I had to keep taking breaks because I couldn't breathe.

    I was going to quote the bits that made me cry, but just went back to find them, and it's all too funny so I don't see the point. Poor Sev though! I agree with Shakespeares comment, I can imagine Requiem and Banshee being pretty mean to Ransom about this, and telling everyone in town. I can't wait to see what the paparazzi say haha

  9. Lots of drama! Ransom, interesting girl's name, but actually I like it.
    Think my favorite shot is Gator with the computer, "Meh. If I get electrocuted, I'm an old man anyway." <33

  10. Yay new baby! I'm excited to see how all the babies age. Wonder which one will be heir? Squee! Glad I'm all caught up!

  11. Hm, I'm betting on Ransom for the heir. Evil smile.
    Sounds like you are busy with college these days. No time for simming?
    I'm liking the new castle; hooray for basement expansion. And Gator deserves his nice new room :)