Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Addison House - Episode Five

Welcome to a new episode of The Addison House, where eight different strangers try to get along with each other and retain their sanity while locked in a haunted house for $50,000. Let's review how the eliminations have gone so far:
Mean-spirited Amie was the first to go home, followed by punk rocker Saki who had a terrible habit of boring people to death. German Stefan grew volatile and violent during Week 2 and could not recover for his elimination in Week 3. Last week saw the exit of kind-hearted Lara, whose sweet demeanor could not save her from elimination. Now there are only four contestants left - self-proclaimed nerd Rocco, artsy emo Lucas, very unique Dewayne, and Alyssa, the only female contestant left in the game. The battle for a spot in the Top Three begins.

This week is Workout Week. As a small reward for surviving this far, the contestants will be allowed to leave the house (and cure some of their stir-craziness) to take a class in athletics. Back at the house there are two treadmills, two workout machines, and a swimming pool. Doing well at this task is crucial -this is the LAST week that contestants can earn Immunity. This is also the last opportunity to earn money and Free Passes. Prizes this week goes like this: Whoever gains the most athletic skill points by the end of the week wins Immunity. Second place receives a Free Pass. Third place receives $100, to potentially gain enough to buy a Free Pass. After this week, there will be no more money-making opportunities, no more Free Pass giveaways, and no more Immunity. Make it count, guys!

We have looked around and, oddly enough, our ghost friend hasn't altered anything this week. Has he calmed down, maybe? Regardless, let's check in on our contestants.
This is the workout room. Isn't it just beautiful? Brand new treadmills, brand new weight-lifting machines. They're so warm and inviting and...covered with dust. You know why? None of the contestants ever once used them. Instead, they spent every last bit of their workout time in the swimming pool.
They, uh...also did things other than working out in the swimming pool too. Do you three have no dignity? The newspaper girl will be here any minute!
Lucas, however, is far too sensible to skinny-dip. In all his swimming, he never once shed his clothes. He did, however, help himself to taking everybody else's. This is a pretty clever strategy, actually - after their clothes are stolen, contestants are too embarrassed to get back into the pool until they change clothes.
Rocco's pretty dedicated about his eco-friendly stuff. He COULD just pee in the pool like everybody else in the world does, but that would dirty up the precious water, so he gets out to use the toilet. We're supportive of your commitment, Rocco. We're sure Dewayne has relieved himself in the pool plenty of times by now.
Ooh...what have we here? Lucas and Alyssa seem to be swimming pretty close together. Are we going to see anything this week, folks?
And the Addison House has suddenly turned into a horse ranch. A third horse ran through the backyard prior to these two showing up. Never mind that man getting out of the pool. We don't know him.
Apparently this horse watches the show and wasn't too happy about Lara leaving instead of Dewayne last week. He won Immunity, Mr. White Horse. You have to give him credit there.
Rocco! You're eating like a pig. Slow down or you'll--
Wait, what is this?! Flirting?!
Alyssa: Aw, Lucas, your jokes always cheer me up.
Lucas: I'm have a really beautiful smile.
Alyssa: Awwww, Lucas!
It's about time, you two. We've been waiting five weeks for this.
Dewayne: And no matter how hard they scrubbed, they couldn't get the stain out of the floor. MUAH HA HA HA!
Lucas: Uh, Dewayne? How is dropping a spoonful of spaghetti sauce on the floor a horror story?
Dewayne: Have YOU ever tried to scrub spaghetti sauce out of white carpet?
Rocco: And that's why I think we all should go green.
Alyssa: Sometimes when I look at you, my cheeks go red...
Rocco: *giggles like a little girl*
Alyssa! How could you?! You would flirt with Rocco while Lucas is still sleeping? Shame, shame.


Well, folks, it's a beautiful Thursday. The contestants have all of today and tomorrow to finish up their athletic skill gaining, before discovering on Saturday who gets Immunity. They're all working very hard - this is a very close one. Meanwhile...uh, there's a black cat on the front porch. Black cats are usually a sign of ominous things to come, like....wait, who is that that just entered the house?
Oh boy....hello and welcome back to your house, Ms. Addison.
Christine: Nyeh heh heh heh!
We didn't realize you were coming today.
Christine: It's been fifty long years. I was a young woman when I last entered this house. And....why is the place a mess?!?
Well, it's being used as the setting for a reality TV show right now. We started out with eight contestants, now there are four. They've, uh...heard quite a bit about you.
Christine: Well, they should have. This is my house! I'm going to go meet them.
Yeah, you do that, Christine...while we keep our cameras carefully trained on you...
Christine: Little girl!
Alyssa: (JFJDJSKFJLKDJFKJDLFKL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Christine: You're a charming little darling, aren't you? I'm Christine Addison. Pleasure.
Alyssa: ..........DJKSDJKSDJKDSJS!!!!!!!
Christine: Hmm. You're a rather...distinguished-looking gentlemen. Didn't have anyone that looked like you back in my day.
Dewayne: Whoa, lady...
...And here we have Dewayne responding to Christine Addison's gracious introduction by insulting her face. And yes, that is Alyssa preparing to duck out of the way, after hearing the exchange. Dewayne, we're doing our best to protect you, man, but you have to help us out.
Christine: You insolent...! I shan't say what I'd like to do to you!
Dewayne: *yawn* I've beat a German in a fistfight. What have YOU done?
 Lucas has tried an interesting approach by using his humor. It appears to have worked. She's responded well to him and seems to like him best out of all the three.
Lucas: Well, I figure you gotta get on her good side, right?
Well, I wouldn't get TOO friendly with her. She may start liking you more than you intend, and we already know what she's done with ONE lover...

And, although we could not capture it on camera, we did find Christine leading Lucas to the cellar to "pillow fight" (although she had the symbol of a certain Lifetime Wish known as "Gold Digger" in her thought bubble at the time). Alyssa interrupted their play time to flirt with Lucas. It appears Christine has not taken this well. Her interactions with Alyssa have consisted only of this:
 Christine: And who are you?
Rocco: I'm, uh, I'm Rocco. It's really a pleasure to meet you sleep well last night?
Christine: I slept in my own bed, so yes.
Rocco: Oh, uh, heh heh, that's great. So, um...have you heard this house is haunted?
Lucas: Oh, Rocco, don't talk about this...
Christine: "Haunted"? By...whom, pray tell?
Rocco: Uh...nothing, it's just a rumor I heard.
Christine: You mean by that pathetic man I used to call my husband? Pah. When I see his ghost, I'll believe it. Take my word for it - he's gone for good. I...rather made sure of that.
Rocco: (Yes ma'am!)


Well, it is Friday evening and the contestants are in bed. Like last week, not one contestant was sent to the cellar this week - no one broke even one appliance! They've gotten much more careful during their stay here, evidently. Meanwhile, the winner of Immunity, with 6 1/2 skill points, is......once again, Dewayne! Being spared from Immunity last week, Dewayne has worked hard and has earned it again. He has guaranteed a spot for himself in the Top Three. Meanwhile, Alyssa, with 6 skill points, has earned another Free Pass (now she has three!), while Lucas, with 5 1/2 skill points, earns $100. Unfortunately for Lucas, that isn't enough to earn him a Free Pass. He is, in fact, the only contestant without one now, and he won't have another chance to earn one. He'd better be extra careful with his appliances.

And now--...what is that noise? Oh dear, the house is being robbed. No burglar alarm has been installed. Well, we'll just hope she doesn't make off with too many things...oh wait, Lucas has woken up.
 Oh my! The burglar didn't even get into the door! Lucas is certainly using his newly-gained athletic skill.
 Burglar: What the heck?! I used to beat up the emo kids back in high school!
Lucas: You ain't never seen an emo kid with guns like mine!
Well, whether it's putting out stove fires or fighting off robbers, the Addison House is a pretty safe place to be while Lucas is around. At least for now...

Meanwhile, Saturday is reward day, and we have installed a luxurious hot tub in the backyard for the contestants to enjoy.
 Each contestant periodically retreated to the hot tub to relax. And, of course, Dewayne is being Dewayne.
Lucas: Dewayne, has it ever occurred to you that none of us want to see you naked?
Dewayne: I'm staying until next week and there's nothing you can do about it. So I can sit around in my favorite birthday suit all I want.
Lucas: ....Touche.
 Awww. We've had little touches here and little touches there, but now we finally have some romance on the show. They're so perfect together. *melts into a little puddle*
But alas, as much as we'd like to, we can't dwell on the romance forever. There is the reality that someone must go home tonight. Our second-time Immunity winner, Dewayne, will make the announcement.
 Dewayne: Hello everybody. If you're have grown some freaking muscle definition over the past week!
Incredibly, yes, Dewayne. Now that we see him with his shirt off, it's no wonder he beat that burglar. Emo boy's starting to become emo MAN!
Dewayne: And if you are standing, you are in the bottom two. Unless you have Immunity, like me. Now I will announce who will be leaving tonight. The person I choose to leave tonight, is Lucas.
Dewayne, again, you can't pick Lucas. He's not in the bottom two.
Dewayne: He hid my clothes!
Then you shouldn't have stripped them off. He's been taking your clothes all week. Learn sometime.
Dewayne: ....It's another tie.
Once again, Dewayne, you are the tie-breaker. By revealing your vote, you will reveal who goes home tonight.
Dewayne: vote goes to...
 Dewayne: ...Alyssa. She's as attractive as flies.
Alyssa: I'M going home? But I...Lucas....

Like the week before, hard work to gain Immunity saved Dewayne once again, and his vote eliminated the last female in the game. Although a bit of a worrywart, Alyssa has been kind to each contestant and a very hard-working person, earning Immunity twice herself. She was the first one to develop a friendship on the show - one that just began to blossom into romance this week with Lucas. Unfortunately, such a pure and delightful thing to watch ended up being what eliminated her - she spent so much of her time interacting with Lucas that she'd hardly paid much attention to Rocco or especially Dewayne.
Alyssa: I can't believe this. I'm just....I'm so heartbroken and so angry right now. I worked so hard to come this far. I wanted to win! I gave my everything to win this game, and now I have to leave because...because that weirdo has something against females? I thought he didn't like Rocco! And it's...that's not even what hurts the most. Something really, really wonderful was happening with me and Lucas. He's one of the most understanding guys I've ever met and he's...I don't know. It became more about being with him than competing for the money. And now I'm going home, leaving the money and leaving Lucas. I just...I don't want to talk about this anymore.

We're so sorry, Alyssa. We loved watching your work ethic and your blossoming relationship with Lucas. We'll miss you.
Rocco: Well! That was something. I've never been in the bottom two before! Now I can relax. And I mean really relax! *throws trunks off*
Lucas: This is just....I can't believe this. This is so stupid.

We're sorry, Lucas. We can't control how the game goes. We simply watch. And thus ends this episode. Goodnight, everyone.

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